It's your 16 birthday. I feel relief that we have made it this far. I feel anxiety about your next two years. I feel so hopeful about your potential. I tried really hard to find the balance between too much birthday attention (which you don't like) and too little birthday attention (which hurts your feelings). I can only imagine how hard it is to have your birthday coincide with the first day of school. All the anxiety and stress of a new school year probably takes a lot of the fun out of a birthday. I hope you felt our love despite the busy time.
On our way home from Washington I let you know that as of August 12, 2020, you have fulfilled your family obligations. You are no longer required to be at family vacation, family prayer or family scripture study, or even family dinner. Max, I don't want to be a Simp parent anymore. I don't want to give you any additional messages of incompetence. My desperate efforts for connection and attachment must be stifling and scary. I apologize for over functioning and I'm ready to do better.
I have confidence that as I give you more space, more responsibility and less oversight, you will choose to work on our relationship. I know it will take time, but you will choose to have a Mom. I am privileged to be that person. You are so beautiful. When you are happy, you light up a room. I am proud of the person you are becoming and believe that your purpose on this earth and in this family is significant. I've always known you were mine, before you were even born. I love you with all my heart.
Love, Mom
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