panic confession humiliation

This week Tony and I suffered a financial panic attack. Poor planning? Yes? Circumstances beyond our control? Yes. Overwhelming? Yes Yes Yes. I reacted in my usual bare-my-soul approach to crisis. I called Dave Ramsey and announced our financial situation on national syndicated radio. In my defense, I did attempt to disguise my voice with a clever southern accent, but that didn't stop several people I know from recognizing "Kelly from Spokane." Davey (we are now on first name basis) gave sound advice: take out a small loan and pay the bills, stop the project, and never, ever make this mistake again. This means no carpet or banisters on the stairs until we are solvent again. For peace of mind, I can live with that. At least my reaction wasn't as bad as Tony's. He was doing crazy talk and suggested we cash out the 401K at 50% penalty. Not an option.

The Bishop cancelled church today. It was puzzling, because it didn't seem like the roads were that bad, but we did enjoy having a sacrament meeting with our little St John branch.

Tony has been on-call all weekend. Thanks to the unreasonable demands of power hungry nazi-nurses, he has the pleasure of staying in the hospital for four days straight. To his surprise, the same partner who publicly betrayed his trust and questioned his medical prowess, offered to "cover for him" so he could go home for a few hours on Saturday. Tony responded very much out of character with, "are you kidding me? After our last meeting I wouldn't leave the hospital unless I was dead!" I love my sassy doctor.

Jeff came down yesterday and helped me finish spackling and sanding trim. I was really grateful for the help. Cam says we paint next week. I think I won't have ever enjoyed paint fumes so much.

blessed by friends

My friend Patti came on Monday and within the space of a little over an hour, lifted my spirits immeasurably. She walked through my house and yard with a steady stream of ideas, compliments and validation. The overwhelmed feeling I've had for six months abated (for at least the day) and was replaced by anticipation for spring and the end of the construction. Later that night I joined friends from book group for a charming evening of dinner and a lecture by a Northwest author. Adult conversation and intellectual stimulation paired with really good French Onion soup nearly brought me to tears.

On Thursday Andrea came and in two short hours validated my whining and complaining with total empathy. Like a true best friend she confirmed that I should be crazy living in the destruction zone. Plus, she helped me pick out paint colors, an invaluable service.

Yesterday the Workmans came for our first annual "Greedy Pilgrim Feast." Betina took our family pictures (the woman has the patience of Job) and then we played games until the feast. We ate chicken pot pie, lemon merengue pie, coconut cream pie, chocolate chip mint ice cream pie, Hershey Bar pie, pumpkin pie, and of course, apple pie. I think it was the first pot pie my kids have ever had and they were in heaven. It felt so nice to be having a fun night with friends who never once mentioned how disgusting my floor was, how dusty every inch of the house was, or the fact that shoes had to remain on so no one got a nail through their foot.

Of all my blessings, friends were the things I was most grateful for this week. That and a beautiful first snow on Friday.

apples

What would possess a person to borrow a 45 foot trailer, beg the services of a busy farmer to fix the errant brakes, bother the local welder at 7:30 in the morning to fix a heavy duty hitch, extort a friendship for the company of a passenger, drive 5 hours round trip to Royal City Washington and purchase 7200 lbs of apples? Two words: meaningful work. I honestly would go to unbelievable lengths to provide my children with opportunities to do the kind of hard physical work that makes a person fall into bed at night bone tired and deeply satisfied with the day's labor. For me that thing is apples--bins and bins of them. The kids have peeled apples until they blister and cut apples and pressed cider until their muscles hurt. It has been a great service opportunity and I have been relieved to see them endure to the end, even when it was cold and windy.

We've also eaten and drunk enough apples to clear our bowels for months. Apple muffins, apple crisp, apple pie, apple pancakes, apple chicken sandwiches. . .

home alone on halloween

I've never hired a babysitter before for Halloween night, so this year was a first. Frankly it's not a bad idea, except that Max and Marcos ate literally all their candy in a two hour block. Wilson was in charge of handing out candy but played video games at high volume and surprisingly, never heard the doorbell.

The reason we hired a babysitter this year was because I was asked to speak on family unity at the Saturday night session of stake conference. Ironic. Not only were we missing trick or treating with our kids, but also the wedding reception for Kelly Frederickson with all the extended family. I accepted the speaking assignment thinking I needed to prepare a talk for someone else. What I now understand is that Heavenly Father gave me a speaking assignment to ensure our attendance at the meeting. It had to have been one of the top 5 most spiritual meetings we have ever been to. It was a powerful compensation for a small sacrifice. It felt like a spiritual booster shot. Hope a spiritual "H1N1 Swine Flu" is not imminent.

Although we missed the reception, we were able to attend the endowment session and temple ceremony for Kelly and Holden. It was an amazing blessing to have been able to attend the temple twice in a week, especially while trying to prepare for a talk. Today the temple president quoted Elder Kikuchi saying, "after you grasp the iron rod it will lead you directly through the open doors of the temple to the tree of life." We are inspired to learn in the Lord's university more often.

Marcos said a crystal-clear four word sentence this evening that we all understood perfectly: "Bye Bye stinky butt face." We are so proud of his emerging language.

Auntie Jill had a very creative costume this halloween. She was a pregnancy test stick-- a Positive! Two new babies coming to our family right on the heels of sweet Kolby. What good news.

Tony has been overwhelmed with work. I know we are being blessed to pay for the remodel, but it's been a tough couple of weeks. We are back to living like we did at the beginning of practice. The hospital insists that he stay within 20 minutes; no coming home to sleep and long weekends without Daddy for call.

Reason #1006 I love living in St John: We have a wonderful new bakery where Tony and I could get a gourmet dinner (shrimp alfredo, quiche, lemon merengue and pecan pie) on our way to the temple for $20.00. Reason #1007: Last weekend I sent all my kids down to the park for the annual Fireman's picnic. The volunteer firemen fed the kids hotdogs and marshmallows and took them on rides on the firetrucks while I sat at home in a quiet kitchen that stayed clean during the lunch hour. I love this town.

Mom and Dad are in Arizona. They've been gone just over a week. At least on the phone, they sound like a couple on their honeymoon. I hope it lasts.