Life is hard

It’s been a hard week.  Last weekend while I was babysitting Jeff and Stacey’s kids in Moses Lake, I got the dreaded phone call that Wilson quit Job Corp.  He had his suitcase and was walking to the house.   He was agitated, scared and irrational. With no other choice I picked him up and was resigned to starting back at square one.  I felt overwhelmed and defeated as I imagined spending the next month mentoring Wilson.   When we got home Saturday night, Tony greeted me with sad news.  He’d received a phone call from parents in town reporting that their son had been caught smoking pot.  He got the pot from Max. As sad as this was, the more painful part came when Max reported that he got it from Cooper.  I started shaking so badly I had to put my phone down, soak in a hot tub and then bury myself under piles of blankets.  Tony had to reach out to Andrea and Betsy on my behalf!  

We immediately talked to Cooper who vehemently denied it.  Now we were caught between our distrust of both of our sons.  The next morning Max and I went to see the principal. Max owned it, but held to his story that he got the pot and vaping from Coop.  Maxs consequences were primarily external.  He had to have his locker searched publicly, he was expelled from the basketball team.  He had to confess to the coach and the team.  He lost his phone for 30 days.  

He also has to take a drug and alcohol class.  Of course we were disappointed, but our gratitude that he was caught was even greater.  It was almost immediate that his anger seemed out.  All the “angry black boy” energy was gone.  Max hashumbling.  Dad is willing to give up being a grandfather to be a case worker.  That’s a hard sacrifice.  Wilson starts work tomorrow at the car dealership.  I’m trying not to be too doubtful, just trusting.  

While Wilson was home he went with me to counseling one night.   It was emotionally excruciating.  He wasn’t trying to hurt me like he has in the past, but he was really honest about what it was like for me to be his mom.  The most painful part was the acutely realization that Wilson spent/spends most of his time confused.  He did and does not understand.  He’s scared all the time because he can’t predict or comprehend.  He didn’t understand consequences or responses from his overtures.  He hates to be physically confined, so hugging and holding were his worst nightmare.  He was most hurt when we said he couldn’t live at home.  He’s terrified of being hungry.  We set him up to fail when we took him to school.  I was interested that Wilson cried during the session but I did not.  I remember being conditioned Wilson’s whole life not to cry when he would either hit me or get livid.  I guess I’m still conditioned not to cry,  it man did I feel the pain.  It also had a glimmer of hope for healing.  Wilson has short periods of lucidity and reality.  He needs healing through connection, and that needs to be my focus.  

Eliza finishes her basketball season.  She’s played no more than one minute a game.  She has mostly warmed the bench and been the scapegoat for members of her team.  But she has finished her committments and been a good friend to the other girls and we are really proud of her.  Yesterday she and I braved horrible weather conditions to get to Spokane so she could take the ACT test.  In only one week, we are going to London.  I hope Eliza can embrace life and dream big.  

Marcos went out on top on basketball.  He is so driven, in sports.  Not so much in school and piano, but he’s trying.

Prom 2018

I went to Prom this year with my friend Brady.  We went in a big group.  My favorite part was the dinner and I loved doing everyone's hair and makeup.  We spent the whole day in my room.  The dance itself was kind of lame, but I'm glad I went

spring break

Spring break could be considered a great success if success is defined by the amount of torture parents can inflict on their ungrateful children. For four full days the children were fully prevented from holing up in their bedrooms, escaping with their friends, and media time was painfully monitored. In four days Tony and I were able to complete 4 consistent mornings of scripture study ( thanks to being trapped in the car), physical activity (2 hikes in 2 days) and several educational opportunities (tide pools, space AND air museum). We also did a lot of flirting, hand holding and kissing, not even once detracted by a disagreement or marital discord. Furthermore, eating out was kept to a dual visit to Muchas Gracias burritos and Macdonald’s on the way home! Parents were the winners this time.
We made it to the beach on Sunday just in time for sunset and the sky was stunning. Monday was rainy, but we were off to the Drift Creek suspensión bridge after breakfast. The kids made excellent efforts to be miserable, but ultimately loved finding slugs, newts and mushrooms as well as hiking and climbing, At the grocery store after the hike, we all tried to find a food we’d never tried. It made for an eclectic and happy lunch. Later Tony made a delicious salmon, and we baked up potatoes and asparagus. We snugggled in our cozy house for puzzles and movies and were so disappointed the hot tub was out of order.
Tuesday we went to Pacific City to climb the dunes. We found starfish and sea anemones in the tide pools. After all that work, we were excited for our ice cream in Tillamook. Tillamook was a big disappointment. It’s been commercialized, doesn’t sell cheese curds and the ice cream lines was so long we gave up and bought pints and cones from the Fred Meyer.
It was raining pretty hard most of the time, but Tony and I enjoyed several beautiful runs on the beach. No kids joined us. Same for a wonderful afternoon exploring the tide pools. That was a win for the kids. On Wednesday we spent the day at the museums and Tony was like a little boy at Christmas. We finished the visit with an IMAX movie about fighter pilot training in Las Vegas. Tony ate it up. That night Tony took the boys to a basketball game and Eliza and I went shopping. This was the kid’s happiest part.
Thursday we had another parent success. The kids wanted to hurry home, but the parents were able to stall with a beautiful visit on Historic Hwy 30. In all the years we’ve visited Portland we’ve never stopped by the Vista point or seen all 5 famous waterfalls. It was stunningly beautiful, made even more enjoyable because the kids were so annoyed with our dallying.
On one of our very first trips to the beach when the kids were small, I carefully selected 7 round stones which I stacked on top of each other in a perfectly balanced, symmetrical cairn. I’ve kept them on the shelf in my bathroom for years. It was meant to represent our family. This year I found 5 new rocks for my cairn. I carefully found 5 different shapes: oval, triangle, rectangle, circle, heart. This is such a better representation of my family, They don’t fit molds, they aren’t the same shape as we are, and they are each very unique. I’m going to replace my cairn in the bathroom with the new rocks to remind me to embrace the individuality of my kids, in all aspects of their life, including their journey to come to Jesus Christ.