At 2:30 am Friday morning we heard a loud thump. Tony got up to check on the kids and found Wilson disoriented, incoherent and covered in vomit. He was trying to climb a wall and couldn't even put his shirt on. It was terrifying. Tony discovered an empty bottle of Benadryl. We got him into the car and Tony took him to the ER. He spent the the next 24 hours in four point restraints, violent, agitated and confused. Tony went last night to give him a blessing. He finally slept peacefully and we went to visit him before church. I feel grateful that he has been safe. Tony and I both feel that he got frustrated that he couldn't sleep and with his terrible judgement, kept taking pills. It wasn't a suicide attempt but it was a sure sign of a broken brain. We are trying to use this experience as a springboard for getting him help. Wilson needs help. He should not have to live with so much anxiety, agitation, and misery. We are so hopeful that Dr Fielding the counselor can help us get him into a facility to help, or that Heavenly Father will show us what we can do to help him.
I sent out emails to our friends and family and started a fast. I woke this morning to a flood of love and support. I know the plan of salvation is real. I don't understand how mental illness fits in the plan. I believe in priesthood power available through the sealing power of covenants. It does not mean the experiences on this earth aren't ridiculously painful.
We brought Wilson home on a Sunday afternoon, despite our better judgment. We were awoken again at 1:00 Sunday morning with a request from Wilson to go back to the hospital. This time he had taken more pills and had tried to cut himself. I called 911. Wilson was taken to the ER in Colfax and then transported to St Joseph's hospital in Lewiston. He was diagnosed with bipolar and was treated with Lithium. He was discharged on Friday. He wasn't allowed to come home, so he called Louis and Larena and they drove to Lewiston to get him. It has been two weeks. He sleeps all day and plays video games all night. He is not a functioning adult by any stretch. I know that it will not be through Tony and I that he changes. It will be through someone else. I pray all the time for that someone. Bishop Dailey and Dad have stepped in and have relieved our burden as much as they can. I know we are supposed to be patient and let Wilson heal. It continues to be so sad.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Lughesworth Weekend
We spent a wonderful weekend at the Hainsworth cabin with Betsy her her friend Shae. It was adults only, first time ever, and we really weren't sure what to do with ourselves. We picked up Shae and Betsy at the airport late Thursday night and had a cold ride across the lake. It didn't take us long to get to know Shae and benefit from his deep love and experience. On Friday morning Tony made us an amazing breakfast and we had a great scripture study together. We spent the rest of the afternoon hiking and touring the lake. On Saturday Tony suckered us all into doing a zipline. It was both terrifying and exhilerating. While the guys played card games, Betsy and I embraced the lake! Andrea and Jason were so proud of us. That night we had a beautiful dinner at Dockside including a giant ice cream sundae! On our way home we experienced a tender mercy. About a block from the house, my too worn out tire exploded. We could have been stranded on Hwy 95 somewhere. We felt the presence of angelic intervention holding that tire together all the way to St John.
mothers day
Mothers Days in the past have been some of my worst days. I've run away to Steptoe Butte, cried my eyes out and felt bitterness and anger that my mothering experience isn't what I planned it to be. Not this year. Now that I've let go of expectations, Mother's Day is a beautiful, happy day. On Saturday my friend Denise and I took a Mothers Day bike ride on my favorite trail. The weather was glorious and my friend Denise is one my my most inspiring friends. On Sunday, Mom and Dad came for church and dinner and Wilson joined us. It was a peaceful day, not a perfect day. Mom shared the stories of her special dolls that Eliza now has. Tony was also very proud that he had remembered to order a gift 2 weeks in advance, a Byu workout t shirt. Yesterday Mom took all the girls to lunch at the flying goat. It was so nice to see cute pregnant Stacey and catch up on the nieces and nephews.
Tony was released last week as Bishop, just short of 5 years. I guess that was a pretty sweet mother's day gift too.
Wedding Doll—When I was 5 years old Santa brought me a doll. It was a Tony doll and I
Tony was released last week as Bishop, just short of 5 years. I guess that was a pretty sweet mother's day gift too.
Wedding Doll—When I was 5 years old Santa brought me a doll. It was a Tony doll and I
thought it was very special. My grandmother was a beautiful seamstress and made her into a bride doll. Later Elda Rippy added pearls and lace and the doll sat at the sign-in table at Kelly’s wedding reception in Spokane. I remember playing with her only infrequently, because she was a treasure.
The crocheted dress doll was sent for a birthday. Grandma (Ellen) Frederickson crocheted the dress and all the detailed petticoats and under drawers.
Aunt Zelpha Frederickson sent the pixie doll. She sat in my room on the headboard.
Sugar britches is a porcelain doll that Grandma Rippy gave to each of her daughters in law and granddaughters. The couple that made the doll mold were divorced and could not agree on who should have the mold, so they broke it. Kelly dressed it in an antique gown she discovered in the house she and Tony lived in their 4th year of marriage in Spokane.
3rd in State!
Cooper had a great State Track Meet this weekend. He placed 7th on the triple jump and 3rd in the high jump! We were proud of his good efforts.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Dig deep
Despite my over-active sense of worth and identity, one of my insecurities is the potential to be seen as a disingenuous, bossy know it all. I want most for people to see me as real and genuine. On Sunday, I faced that fear and got vulnerable by bearing my testimony. I shared my strong feelings about the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant, restored priesthood keys, and temple covenants. Sue Mellor shared her testimony after me and began by saying, "My testimony isn't as deep as Kelly Lundbergs." This statement stung, as it seemed to confirm my fear of being perceived as a fraud. I wrestled with the hurt for three days. I pride myself on being un-offendable and was annoyed that I couldn't shake the offense. As I was preparing my seminary lesson in Daniel I came across this statement: "He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him." In an instance God changed my heart. Sue's words immediately felt like a compliment, and more importantly, a confirmation from Heavenly Father to keep thinking deeply, asking hard questions and discovering mysteries and secrets. It was an instantaneous change and beyond my power. I felt a little like Alma the Younger.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Marcos cracks us up
Its fun to be Marcos' Mom. He finds silliness in every activity and joy in participation. He isn't shy and is willing to give anything a try.
Marcos' Pinewood derby
Marcos playing the harp in his classroom. We were learning about Ireland that day.
Marcos conducting science experiments at the school science night.
One afternoon I rode to the lake and saw hundreds of fish spawning in the shallow water. As soon as Marcos got home I grabbed he and Joel and we went to investigate. It was a beautifully warm spring day and I had the deep pleasure of listening unobserved to the two 9 year olds. Their conversation went something like this:
"Hey Marcos, we need to lure the fish to us! I'll whistle and you make fart noises in your armpits!"
"This is the best day of my child life!"
"Why are we scared of the fish--are we men or what?"
It took a little convincing, but finally Marcos and Joel got into frog catching as well. It was such a happy afternoon. Another reason to love living in St John.
sacred service
We have just completed a sacred, marvelous experience. We have a new understanding of poverty and charity. We have been inspired by the amazing people we served with. With all my heart I hope we can "retain in remembrance" the feelings of this week.
We arrived in San Diego on Friday night after a panic filled flight. Our panic was induced by the security woman who loudly announced that Tony and my passports were expired and that we were not going anywhere out of the country. We had prayer and I called the organizers to tell them the bad news. Boarding our plane was an exercise in faith. We got to our hotel in San Diego around midnight and collapsed. When the sun came up in the morning, we got a text from Brad and Kim indicating that we would be just fine at the border. We grabbed McDonalds breakfast and snuggled in to listen to General Conference. After conference we enjoyed the beautiful pool and sunshine then headed for the beach. We spent all afternoon at Sunset Cliffs exploring the tide pools, playing in the waves and hiking. Amy Kolb joined us with her boyfriend Jared. At dinner time we headed to the Mormon Battalion to meet the Hainsworths. We took the tour with the missionaries and then had a late dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant in Old Town. We had quite a wait, so we may have had a few more after dinner mints than allowed.
After dinner we tucked into our hotel on the border and got ready for our adventure!
Early the next morning we got into our Sunday clothes and met our group. Immediately we felt the pleasure of being with like-minded people. Most of the families were returning members, on 5th or 8th trips. That was a good sign! Brad explained the Tijuana rules: absolutely no drinking the water, no touching the animals, no going anywhere alone. We crossed the border together and went directly to the church in Tijuana to listen to conference. We had our first taste of the terrible poverty as we drove through the streets and saw thousands of people living in unacceptable conditions. Between sessions we went to Chispa, the house where families stay while they work, unpacked and had lunch. Chispa has an Lds family that serves as the caretakers and cooks and the food was traditional and delicious! We returned to the church for the second session of Conference. During this session Elder Kiernon pled with the members to care for the poor and the refugees. President Uchdorf was so emotional he could barely talk. It was an inspiring way to start our trip. After conference we drove to a Home for children. One of the boys on our trip had gathered school and hygiene supplies for his Eagle project. The children were anxious for attention and were all in when we pulled out the rip rope. I was happy to see my kids jump in and love the children. I lost Marcos in the sea of brown faces and Eliza had a kid in her arms the whole time. Tony was in his element, as usual speaking Spanish and playing hard. The beautiful woman who ran the orphanage concluded our visit with a blessing and the spirit was strong. We returned to Chispa for dinner and games and began to get to know our new friends.
We got our sleeping bags set up in our bunks and headed to bed.
Brad started singing Our Spanish hymn "Hay Una Hora de Solace," at 7:30 sharp and we hurried to prayer and scriptures. Brad did a good job teaching from Mosiah 4 about caring for the poor. After breakfast we were off to the building site. Our family was assigned to finish the eaves and siding on the back of the house. With our minimal experience we gave it our best and got the job done. I did not do well the first day remembering that the primary purpose was to work together, not get the house done. I had a hard time keeping Marcos engaged and he got into mischief. One. Our favorite things was called first lunch: a peanut butter sandwich and chips. Second lunch came at 1:30. I need to incorporate this into our daily life. That night we returned to to Chispa for dinner and FHE. My favorite part of dinner was a zucchini and cheese casserole with cream. Everyone else loved the tortillas and beans. We drank probiotics with every meal and it significantly helped our digestion. That night Rosco gave a presentation about his experiences climbing the 7 tallest peaks on the 7 continents, including Everest. He taught us that we can do hard things and that we should dream big, write our goal down, and say our goal to someone.
Tuesday we all made it to prayer and scripture by 7:30, but it was a little harder. On this morning we discussed the fruit of the tree of life, the love of God, how good it tastes and how good it is to share. Brad taught us how everything for better, looks better and even tastes better when we are feeling the spirit. It was proven true when 2nd lunch was a torts sandwich with American cheese and pressed ham on white bread. Absolutely delicious. We worked hard again, this time on dry wall, mudding and taping and Cooper became a roof laying expert. That night we went to the 2nd best taco stand in Tijuana for dinner. The tacos, carne asana and posada, were celestial. We finished it off with michcuana ice cream-coconut and pistachio!
That night we stayed up way too late laughing and talking. We shared stories of courtship, adoption and cancer. Tony broke out a little manipulation on Brad and Roscoe and had everyone in hysterics when he pronounced their "high riding ilius."
Wednesday was the toughest wake up of all, but we were rewarded with a beautiful scripture study from 3 Nephi Chap 12, the sermon on the mount. The words of the Savior seemed more relevant than ever, when he talked about us caring for the poor, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked. We learned that poverty applies not only to material possessions, but also to understanding identity. We enjoyed our last Chispa breakfast of chilequile, eggs and beans and we're off to work. We barely achieved our goal of finishing the roof and drywall by 5:00. Rosario joined us with her daughter and son and we presented the family with a signed picture of the Savior. Myrna the translator shared with us that Rosario works nights in bar restroom. She has to pay the owner 15.00 a night and keeps the rest of the times to feed her family. Myrna explained how a corrupt government taxes the poor without the benefits of government infrastructure: roads, sewer, water, electricity. A home for these families would be impossible without the help of others. Sitting together in that home we realized he sacred privilege we had enjoyed of practicing pure religion. The gospel was the great equalizer and we were experiencing Zion. It was a powerful moment I'll never forget.
We returned to Chispa for a delicious chicken dinner and to pack up. Our final stop before crossing the border was the Tijuana temple, arguably the most beautiful temple the church has ever built. After being surrounded by slums and poverty for three days the beauty and cleanliness of the temple was stark. It was so evident that God has so much more to offer. He has a literal mansion prepare for us and it was right before our eyes. It was very hard to say goodbye to our friends. Max especially made a great friend and although Cooper fought it the whole trip, he relished the friendships at the end.
It took us about an hour to cross the border, which gave us time to buy hot churros. Our expired passports were no problem, which we considered a miracle. We arrived at our hotel and slept for all of 5 hours before we boarded our plane for home. We made it with 10 minutes to spare before Cooper jumped on a bus to go with the SJE band back to Disneyland!
I'm so proud of my kids for how hard they worked in sleep deprived, uncomfortable situation. They were patient with each other, kind to the other kids and hard working.
We arrived in San Diego on Friday night after a panic filled flight. Our panic was induced by the security woman who loudly announced that Tony and my passports were expired and that we were not going anywhere out of the country. We had prayer and I called the organizers to tell them the bad news. Boarding our plane was an exercise in faith. We got to our hotel in San Diego around midnight and collapsed. When the sun came up in the morning, we got a text from Brad and Kim indicating that we would be just fine at the border. We grabbed McDonalds breakfast and snuggled in to listen to General Conference. After conference we enjoyed the beautiful pool and sunshine then headed for the beach. We spent all afternoon at Sunset Cliffs exploring the tide pools, playing in the waves and hiking. Amy Kolb joined us with her boyfriend Jared. At dinner time we headed to the Mormon Battalion to meet the Hainsworths. We took the tour with the missionaries and then had a late dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant in Old Town. We had quite a wait, so we may have had a few more after dinner mints than allowed.
After dinner we tucked into our hotel on the border and got ready for our adventure!
Early the next morning we got into our Sunday clothes and met our group. Immediately we felt the pleasure of being with like-minded people. Most of the families were returning members, on 5th or 8th trips. That was a good sign! Brad explained the Tijuana rules: absolutely no drinking the water, no touching the animals, no going anywhere alone. We crossed the border together and went directly to the church in Tijuana to listen to conference. We had our first taste of the terrible poverty as we drove through the streets and saw thousands of people living in unacceptable conditions. Between sessions we went to Chispa, the house where families stay while they work, unpacked and had lunch. Chispa has an Lds family that serves as the caretakers and cooks and the food was traditional and delicious! We returned to the church for the second session of Conference. During this session Elder Kiernon pled with the members to care for the poor and the refugees. President Uchdorf was so emotional he could barely talk. It was an inspiring way to start our trip. After conference we drove to a Home for children. One of the boys on our trip had gathered school and hygiene supplies for his Eagle project. The children were anxious for attention and were all in when we pulled out the rip rope. I was happy to see my kids jump in and love the children. I lost Marcos in the sea of brown faces and Eliza had a kid in her arms the whole time. Tony was in his element, as usual speaking Spanish and playing hard. The beautiful woman who ran the orphanage concluded our visit with a blessing and the spirit was strong. We returned to Chispa for dinner and games and began to get to know our new friends.
We got our sleeping bags set up in our bunks and headed to bed.
Brad started singing Our Spanish hymn "Hay Una Hora de Solace," at 7:30 sharp and we hurried to prayer and scriptures. Brad did a good job teaching from Mosiah 4 about caring for the poor. After breakfast we were off to the building site. Our family was assigned to finish the eaves and siding on the back of the house. With our minimal experience we gave it our best and got the job done. I did not do well the first day remembering that the primary purpose was to work together, not get the house done. I had a hard time keeping Marcos engaged and he got into mischief. One. Our favorite things was called first lunch: a peanut butter sandwich and chips. Second lunch came at 1:30. I need to incorporate this into our daily life. That night we returned to to Chispa for dinner and FHE. My favorite part of dinner was a zucchini and cheese casserole with cream. Everyone else loved the tortillas and beans. We drank probiotics with every meal and it significantly helped our digestion. That night Rosco gave a presentation about his experiences climbing the 7 tallest peaks on the 7 continents, including Everest. He taught us that we can do hard things and that we should dream big, write our goal down, and say our goal to someone.
Tuesday we all made it to prayer and scripture by 7:30, but it was a little harder. On this morning we discussed the fruit of the tree of life, the love of God, how good it tastes and how good it is to share. Brad taught us how everything for better, looks better and even tastes better when we are feeling the spirit. It was proven true when 2nd lunch was a torts sandwich with American cheese and pressed ham on white bread. Absolutely delicious. We worked hard again, this time on dry wall, mudding and taping and Cooper became a roof laying expert. That night we went to the 2nd best taco stand in Tijuana for dinner. The tacos, carne asana and posada, were celestial. We finished it off with michcuana ice cream-coconut and pistachio!
That night we stayed up way too late laughing and talking. We shared stories of courtship, adoption and cancer. Tony broke out a little manipulation on Brad and Roscoe and had everyone in hysterics when he pronounced their "high riding ilius."
Wednesday was the toughest wake up of all, but we were rewarded with a beautiful scripture study from 3 Nephi Chap 12, the sermon on the mount. The words of the Savior seemed more relevant than ever, when he talked about us caring for the poor, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked. We learned that poverty applies not only to material possessions, but also to understanding identity. We enjoyed our last Chispa breakfast of chilequile, eggs and beans and we're off to work. We barely achieved our goal of finishing the roof and drywall by 5:00. Rosario joined us with her daughter and son and we presented the family with a signed picture of the Savior. Myrna the translator shared with us that Rosario works nights in bar restroom. She has to pay the owner 15.00 a night and keeps the rest of the times to feed her family. Myrna explained how a corrupt government taxes the poor without the benefits of government infrastructure: roads, sewer, water, electricity. A home for these families would be impossible without the help of others. Sitting together in that home we realized he sacred privilege we had enjoyed of practicing pure religion. The gospel was the great equalizer and we were experiencing Zion. It was a powerful moment I'll never forget.
We returned to Chispa for a delicious chicken dinner and to pack up. Our final stop before crossing the border was the Tijuana temple, arguably the most beautiful temple the church has ever built. After being surrounded by slums and poverty for three days the beauty and cleanliness of the temple was stark. It was so evident that God has so much more to offer. He has a literal mansion prepare for us and it was right before our eyes. It was very hard to say goodbye to our friends. Max especially made a great friend and although Cooper fought it the whole trip, he relished the friendships at the end.
It took us about an hour to cross the border, which gave us time to buy hot churros. Our expired passports were no problem, which we considered a miracle. We arrived at our hotel and slept for all of 5 hours before we boarded our plane for home. We made it with 10 minutes to spare before Cooper jumped on a bus to go with the SJE band back to Disneyland!
I'm so proud of my kids for how hard they worked in sleep deprived, uncomfortable situation. They were patient with each other, kind to the other kids and hard working.
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