memorial day

We split Memorial Day today between service (scraping paint for a friend), work (pulling weeds in the yard) and fun (BBQ with Keith and Sally and their kids). We attempted homemade blackberry icecream, but it bombed. Thank goodness we have all summer to perfect our recipe. Thank goodness I had all the ingredients for smores to save the day.

A talk in church yesterday has made me appreciate the freedom we commemorate on Memorial Day a little differently. The speaker reminded us that freedom is another word for agency and agency is the key part of the Plan of Happiness. When I thought of it in those terms I realized that I was a warrior for freedom in heaven, consequently giving me the opportunity to come to earth. It made me more grateful warriors of freedom who have fought on this earth and consequently returned to heaven.

dandalion war

We went hiking yesterday to my favorite trails in White Pine Idaho. We were without camera so I was taking a ton of mental snapshots and devising word pictures. Before we hiked, we stopped at a decrepit and flooded park in Princeton Idaho to stretch our legs. The field was covered in dandylions and what started with a simple tossed flower turned into an all-out dandylion war. I taught the kids the warcry, "Mama had a baby and her head popped off!" as we beheaded bunches of those bright yellow weeds. Then we laughed ourselves silly when Eliza asked very seriously, "whose head popped off, the mama or the baby?" The hike was beautiful, with plenty of mud puddles to stomp through and mushrooms to spot. At the end of our hike we spent almost an hour with bottles of bubbles contesting who could keep their bubble airborne the longest.

There were also moments when the kids were bickering, Wilson was bullying, Eliza was shrieking, or Marcos was whining. I was disappointed not to get any yard work done and we weren't very healthy eaters thanks to Tony's maple bar spree at the Harvest Food Center. Still, when I checked in with my Heavenly Father in prayer and closed my eyes for the night, the day was deemed a success.

Today my kids spent most of their time after church caring for three baby birds that had fallen out of the tree.
They dropped water in their mouths with cotton balls and laboriously mutilated worms to feed them. I give the poor things 24 more hours until death, but it won't be from lack of loving effort from the Lundberg kids.

may days

The seventh family in our ward announced their imminent departure today- a total of 27 kids leaving, many of them my kid's ages. We are losing our Bishop, our Superintendant, our principal, our dance teacher, and the administrator at Whitman Medical Group. I'm sad to see so many great people go, but truth be told, I'm jealous. Tony is so burned out on work he would leave in an instant. I could walk away from everything in my house except a couple pieces of art. But, it is not our time to go. Until it is, there is plenty to keep us busy.

It is an interesting time to be on the school board. The hiring of a new principal was time consuming, but fruitful. We found a great guy from Sellah and will share a Superintendant with Lacrosse.

Mother's Day was nice. Since my "power of moms" paradigm shift I embraced a day of valuing my profession. I got breakfast in bed and a lovely steak dinner. The following weekend was the annual mother's day bike ride. There were just four of us and we cut it back to 40 miles this year. Between a nasty headwind, a moose on the trail and a least a million snakes to dodge, the ride was a darn good workout.

Last Friday I got a call from the principal requesting my immediate presence at the junior high school. Wilson was suspended from school for 5 days for participating in the making of an obscene and inappropriate video in the computer lab. I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to leave a group of 8th grade boys alone in the lab. It was your basic "Lord of the Flies" breakdown of decorum as the boys began one-upping each other in crudeness and grossness. As far as I know, there was only one boy there who had endured multiple family home evenings, primary lessons and priesthood lessons on appropriate behavior. One boy, my boy, knew better. It was another very low mothering moment. Since we didn't want suspension to be confused with vacation, Wilson got to spend the week jackhammering and sledgehammering the driveway to prepare for new concrete. The weather was miserable, either cold and rainy or really hot. He worked long hours until his hands were blistered and bleeding. His only breaks were to do homework, although we did let him eat. Here is the problem: He loved it. He went to bed every night exhausted and fulfilled. He was totally pleasant to be around; obedient, submissive and humble. The fact is that for a kid like Wilson, there isn't a punishment out there that is worse than attending school. Not even busting and hauling rock.

I took Eliza to see Wicked on Thursday. It was an awesome day. We went with several girlfriends-- a total estrogen day. In our predominantly male family, I have to remember how valuable those days are.


This is what went on while the Dads were in charge:

dear eliza

Dear Eliza,
Last night you cried and cried. It was an overwhelming night. When I came to snuggle you into bed you told me that you feel invisible. You said you feel like you are "made of air" and that no one can see you.

My beautiful girl. I've felt that feeling before. You (and I) are kind of socially unsophisticated. We sometimes don't understand complex girl relationships and interactions and we can feel left out. I know it is easier and more comfortable to play with the boys, but that the older you get the less accepted that is.

What can I do to help you? What skills could I teach you? How can I convince you that your smile and personality are impossible not to see. You can't be ignored when you are kind and gentle. You aren't invisible when you find someone to help or befriend. I wish I could teach you early not to get caught up in the thick of thin things. I know these are grown up pieces of advice hard for a nine year old girl to understand.

If Grandma were here I think she would suggest we go shopping for something bright and sparkly and amazing. Something that helps you stand out in a crowd until you can have the confidence to do it on your own.

I love you HulaLula,
Mom

mothers day

Yesterday in a fit of anger Wilson challenged my assertion that his actions affect our family. As I tried to explain how his bad choices pull our family down, that they make the other kids sad, and that they weaken our family ties, he responded calmly with, "bullsh*!" It was a lightbulb moment. He's right. I put too much stock in "whole family" happiness. When there are 7 diverse people in a family, not everyone will be onboard for every activity. Sometimes it will be part-family happiness, while some children choose not to participate. An unhappy teenager does not get to affect the joy and fun of the rest of our family. It was a really good reminder for me to transfer attention from the nonparticipant to the participants. If all the kids are being surly and uncooperative then I will ignore them all and give all my attention to Tony. So there.

At the Power of Mom's retreat a couple of weeks ago the presenter asked the question, "What did your Mom do to provide an environment of safety and security?" I've been thinking about that question. My answers are rediculously cliche: family meals, predictable family traditions, family chores. My Mom has apologized for putting a lot of responsibility on me, but that responsibility gave me purpose and made me feel needed, even indispensable. My Mom conveyed confidence in me and my decision by rarely questioning my actions and choices. My Mom made me feel secure by not overreacting or dramatizing situations. Barf, blood or tears were not causes for panic, nor were bad grades, hurt feelings or mistakes. Somehow despite betrayal and lack of confidence in her own body, she made me secure in mine. My Mom's pervasive philosophy of life seemed to be, "things will work out if we rely on the Lord." That philosophy continues to make me feel safe and secure.

If I ask the question of myself as a mom, the answers are similar. Emphasis on family meals, family home evening, prayer and scriptures study make me and my kids feel secure. I could do better making sure that my kids have responsibilities that make them an imperative part of our family. I do pretty well at predictable family traditions and might even err on too great an emphasis on family fun. I need constant reminders not to catastrophize situations, but a little barf, blood and tears don't scare me. If I could add one thing to the safety net for my kids it would be for them to see their parents as 100% inseparable. More public display of affection, more bragging about how great Tony is, more backing up his decisions and ideas.

This is my Mother's Day Mantra: I am a deliberate Mom. I am a professional Mom. I am a divinely appointed Mom. And in the end I trust God and eveything will work out.