level red

Tony and I met with a counselor on Tuesday as our concerns about Wilson's behavior have elevated to level red. It was such a positive experience to get a third party perspective, especially from someone who could validate the things we do right and give us new tools for improvement. Here's what I learned:

Attachment occurs three times in our life: first as babies, second as teenagers and third as adult children. Underdeveloped frontal lobes can make attachment during any of those three times difficult. The importance of reclaiming our children during the teenage years cannot be underestimated. To promote proper attachment during this time, the counselor emphasized ten physical touches a day with eye contact (harder than it sounds) and complete unity as parents (double teaming). She noted that the teenage years are a time to transition from immediate consequences that fit the crime, to delayed consequences that may or may not be totally fair. This is a more adult reality.

Amazingly, the counselor said that working with horses was one of the best things for kids with attachment difficulties, because self control with horses is integral. It was also a good reminder for us that Wilson, like a horse, must always be approached from a distance, never surprised. I could not be more grateful for Keith and Sally and their 7 Arabian horses.

In addition to meeting with the counselor we went to the temple. My impression there was to be more grateful for opportunities of failure/learning. Missing church, ruining property, and getting locked out of the house are all opportunities for learning and growth. During my scripture study this week I read the story of the baby Moses. It donned on me that the only way Moses' mother could save his life was to pack him in a basket and send him down the river. (Granted, she prepared the best basket she possibly could and sent a sibling along). Had she held him close as every motherly instinct told her to, he would likely have been killed. I have to send my kids down the river, shake off the chains that bind me to them, and let them exercise their agency, if I want to save them.

I was the chaperone for Eliza's field trip this week. We bowled, watched an IMAX movie, and rode the carousel downtown. It was the first time in a long time that I only worried about the well-being of one kid for a whole afternoon.

Max finished T-ball like a champ. I think he could even correctly identify home, first, second and third base.

Cooper is on a money making kick. He has plans for lego camp this summer and hosted Tennis camp yesterday for Marcos, Eliza and Max. He is going to sell his bow and arrows and can't wait for the garage sale this weekend for the big bucks.

We are out of debt again. The relief we feel outweighs the concern over the news that there won't be paychecks in June. It struck me this week that we made the most money of our lives the years we needed to pay off student loans, fund adoptions and pay off our house. This month we'll have to tighten our belts a little, live without carpet a bit longer and postpone Wilson's braces, but we have been more blessed than we deserve.