Tony's mother's Day offerings

Mother's Day Poem

5/10/2021

Will you still hug me?

by Tony Lundberg

If there comes a time that my only motion is pie to the whole?

Will you still hug me?

If I lose my mind and start call you "Fran"

If the only pants I keep dry are the one's I don't wear?

If my only words are a slur of salacious insobriety?

Will you still hug me?

If my head without the protection of hair gets ulcerating  furunculosis?

If I only retain movement in my Fungal toe and you have to use a chain saw to cut the toenail and the Pecueca is so bad the all the neighbors have to put on gas masks?

Will you still hug me?

If I forget how to take out the trash, make the bed, do the laundry, vacuum the floor, clean the car, mow the lawn, and make myself a sandwich?

Will you still hug me?

If I accidently sign my 401K over the Barbara Boobalicious?

Will you still hug me?

 

Jeff and Stacey visit

 We have had the pleasure of seeing all of my brothers, their wives and kids in the last month.  It's been one party after another.  It was so fun to have Jeff and Stacey here.  Their kids are so much fun to be around and like a breath of fresh air.  We had fun playing pickleball, trying out Jeff's Oculus, eating Indian food.  I spent the day with Jeff and Stacey when I took them back to Vegas, since their flight was at 4:30 in the morning, I got them a hotel near the airport and they Uber'd over.  It was a way better solution than having Dad drive them all at 2:30 in the morning, plus it was a fun graduation gift to give Stacey :)  I love Jeff and Stacey so much and admire their courage.  I don't know the ending to their struggle, but I love to watch them engage in the battle.  

Mother's Day 2021

In a Women's Conference talk this week, Sis Eubanks defined joy, not as an emotion of happiness or elation, but as progression.  I can't stop thinking about this definition, especially today on Mother's Day.  The temple covenants promise joy in our posterity.  I've experienced very little of the "joy" I thought I would have when I started acquiring posterity.  Not one of the dreams or expectations I had for my children have come to pass, because my dreams were unrealistic, narrow, arrogant and pride driven.   But I have felt tremendous joy, or progression, as a result of my posterity in soul-stretching ways for the last 25 years.  My joy/progression has included learning

that everyone needs and has a Savior, but its not me.

to recognize and God's communication, especially through the scriptures

that I can depend on God's unfailing and unchanging nature to feel safe, secure and worthy, not on my children's, husband's or parent's unreliable behaviors.

my primary identity is as a disciple of Christ and daughter of Heavenly Parents

there is a difference between fear and anger, boundaries and control, love and approval

It is never correct to try to do things alone.  Alone is disconnected and in opposition to the principle of counseling and partnership and negates the correctness of any action. 

Understanding joy as progression has released some shame feelings, because progression is sometimes uncomfortable.  That means joy might sometimes be uncomfortable.  It feels like another of the gospel paradoxes that enamor me.  

Here are 10 pieces of advice for parents of hard kids that I wish someone had told me 25 years ago:

1.    Do not read parenting books.  They are intended for normal emotionally developing children.  

2.    Prioritize couples counseling.  The greatest safety for a hard kid is an example of healthy connection.

3.    Don't use physical touch for "forced bonding" or as punishment.

4.    Don't address misbehaviors during times of heightened fear or trauma response.  Wait until you and the child are emotionally regulated.  

5.    Learn skills for emotional regulation that include resilience from taking children's behavior's personally

6.    Foster safe relationships with other people who might offer healthy connection.  Then back off, relinquish control and trust them.   

7.    Use incentives and consequences judiciously and sparingly.  Hard kids interpret rewards and punishments as love and approval (or rejection and disapproval) despite our intentions.  

8. Protect the victims of your hard child's behavior.  Exercise caution when placing responsibility on siblings.

9.    Focus energy on identifying, rooting out and becoming resilient to shame in yourself and in your family culture.  

10.    Define joy as progression.  

Motherhood has been a ride.  It looks like grandmotherhood is my next big adventure and I say, bring it on.  

Bishop Reed Blessings

Tonight Bishop Reed gave us blessings.  We didn't request them.  He came to our home and let us know individually how much God loved us.  It was really powerful. 

 In my blessing the God asked me to focus on receiving revelation, feeling increased strength and increasing my peace.  He told me that I was the mother picked for my kids and I am the one who was intended to raise them.  They are mine and I can focus on connection with them by emphasizing their gifts and talents.  

In Tony's blessing God emphasized Tony's worth.  He told him what a good man he is.  He encouraged Tony to keep playing hard, to exercise and to work on our marriage relationship.  

Becks Angel Day and Jill's ironman Triathalon

 We just ended a busy and happy weekend full of fun and family.  Cam and Jill arrived on Thursday night and Jill and I spent a lovely Friday morning catching up, in the pool, on the bike and on a run.  I helped her drop her bike off at Sand Hollow and get registered and she helped me do a Costco run and every minute together was awesome.  Friday evening we met at the park to shoot off Beck's rocket and enjoy a picnic together.  Chelsea shared a tender story of the importance of clouds and storms to illuminate the sunshine.  She shared how every year around Beck's angel day they can see very obviously, little miracles that they love to attribute to Beck.  Many of the miracle are in the sky.  My miracle was having three of my children there.

It wasn't a surprise the next morning when the sunrise was absolutely stunning and a cloud cover helped keep temperatures down for the triathletes.  Thank you Beck!  We watched Jill on the tracker and spent a good portion of the day tracking her down as she swam, biked and ran.  It was really fun to be at the finish line and feel the incredible energy of the athletes.  Jill ended up having to walk the 1/2 marathon because of a debilitating sideache, and i think she was a little disappointed, but all of us were marveling at what she had accomplished.  Tony went mountain biking with Tyler, Kimball and Lane and learned that he still likes raquetball more and that Lane may end up being a professional mountain biker. He got his butt kicked.  

That night we had a fun burger bar bbq and talked for hours while the kids played pickleball.  Lane and Same finally connected and Kimball joined Max with his friends.  None of us thought that was a good idea.  

Things are still a little rough with Max.  We told him last week that he cannot stay here if he is not actively working on quitting illegal substances. We asked how long he would need to find a place to live and how we could help him.  He was terrified, stormed out of the room and slept with his door locked for days.  We will need to revisit the boundary again this week.  I dread it.

During the sacrament today I was thinking about Jill's triathalon.  She killed it on the swim and the bike and then things got really hard on the run.  In fact she couldn't run, she had to walk.  She walked and crossed the finish line like everyone else.  Tony and I are in the final leg of our parenting iron man and we can't run.  It hurts too badly.  But we can finish.  We just need to slow it down.