Limping to the Finishline

This month has been the longest of my life. This week especially feels like a year long. Every day feels like 72 hours. Even the hours feel eternal. The anxiety over graduation and the end of probation has been debilitating for me, and for Wilson. I am getting good practice living in the moment and seeking comfort and direction in the present without thoughts to the future.

Wilson has been in sabotage and self destruction mode. I am not hurt by his choices to drink and smoke. My heart breaks over the burden from keeping secrets. It is a tremendous weight to try and be multiple personalities. I want his graduation party to be a celebration for a fresh start and pray every day he can get relief by bringing things to the light.

Last Saturday Marcos exhibited his independence by going to the bank and requesting a withdrawal of $4.00. Then he went to garage sales to spend his cash. It is pretty special to live in a town where 8 year olds do their own banking.

Here is a list of the last two weeks of Lundberg events:

Seminary graduation
DARE graduation
Piano recital
Dance recital
Senior Trip
Senior Banquet
Eagle Court of Honor
Reader Theatre
Field Trips
Junior high move-up day
Band concert
Track and field day
Pack meeting
Baseball games
Boys scout camp out
Temple trip


I really am grateful that my three oldest kids did not do a spring sport. I think it would have put us over the edge. In addition Cooper has been working hard to get the pool ready to open. Hooray summer!

Last weekend Max had a camp out. I had originally intended to take him, but it conflicted with Stephanie's graduation. I asked Cooper to take him, which he agreed to do. I got a text from Cooper on the day of the camp out indicating that he had prayed about it and felt like he should be at the temple instead. I was really proud of his decision, especially since it meant waking up at 4:00 am. My kids have an all new appreciation for Grandma and Grandpa's early morning temple schedule!

One of the highlights of my week has been driving my friend Denise to her cancer treatments in Spokane. I hate watching her in pain, but her faith and understanding is amazing. I just want to soak up her light. Being with Denise is honestly like going to the temple. So a double bonus is going to the temple with Denise, which I did do last week. A group of 5 of us went to commemorate my friend Kristen's third cancer free year. In the car, 3 of us had cancer, 1 of us had a wayward son, one was a widow, a divorcee and another had lost her husband to deportation. We all knew exactly where to access the priesthood power that would sustain us and strengthen us and it was nice to be together.

I heard a radio program featuring a neurosurgeon who mentioned that one of the deleterious effects of living in constant "life or death" mode is an inflated sense of self importance. I feel like I have been that self absorbed person. I don't feel like it is my true nature. It was a tremendous relief to go to McMinnville last weekend for 48 hours and focus on getting Betsy ready to move. We worked our butts off, laughed and cried, and had equal sharing.

Tony has been swamped. He's done a funeral and a wedding as well as an on-call weekend. I am amazed at his strength, compassion and stamina. If I think too much about how close I came to not marrying Tony I can't breathe. It is so good to be a team

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