What the hell

Last Thursday was Wilson's court date. I was feeling calm, having been assured by our attorney that he and the prosecuting attorney had entered a plea bargain that would put the whole mess behind us within ten minutes. This is not what happened. The judge heard the statements and plea bargain from both attorneys, heard my report of what we are doing medically and looked at Wilson and said, "Son, you need to see the inside of a prison. You are 18 so you are going to the big boy prison." I think our attorney was the most shocked, the prosecuting attorney was a close second, and I was third.

Wilson was not. He had said to me the night before that he was going to jail. When I tried to assure him otherwise he told me that things always go badly for him and he always gets the worst outcome. In retrospect, I think he knew what the outcome was going to be and was not just being pessimistic. I, PollyAnna, was devastated and shocked. One of the hardest things I've ever done in my whole life was watching an officer walk my son from the courtroom to the jail. This has been the slowest weekend of my life. Time has crawled. It was hard to tell the other kids, our parents, the football coach and Wilson's girlfriend.

I pray so hard everyday that he will be safe and that this experience will have a deterring effect for the future. I have prayed that he will have felt the comforting power of the Holy Ghost. I pray that he won't be angry and hardened, but will be soft and humbled. I pray this is a turning point.

But if not, God still has a plan for Wilson. There will always be a chance for repentance. Someone has been through worse. My covenants offer me priesthood power and comfort.


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