Every year I look forward to my birthday. I think Heavenly Father knew that Fall would be my most enjoyable season and sent me to Earth when the trees are all my favorite colors and the temperature is my most comfortable. I celebrated
repeatedly with pumpkin pie and good bike rides.
Sadly, Tony's birthday surprise turned into a painful and emotional experience, for both of us. Tony arranged for a trip to Hawaii, complete with babysitter and bungalow on the beach. Most women would be thrilled with such a generous gift. I felt pain, betrayal, intense worry, guilt and true panic. I immediately had irrational thoughts that Tony gave me the gift for his own selfish reasons, or even worse to hurt me. My reaction was extreme and inexplicable. We cancelled the trip and I went to see a counselor to see why I had such a bizarre reaction. The painful part was the realization that Tony and I have played this scenario before, that the emotions we felt were exactly those we had when Tony asked me to marry him. I am anxious to use this experience to strengthen our marriage. I want to apply the atonement for a change of heart, a change of person. I want to be a person who can peacefully and graciously accept a trip to Hawaii without a complete freak out.
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