halloween

Brother Hughes

Betsy called Monday to tell us that James had killed himself. James is gone. No more family fasts that he would have strength to fight his addictions. No more late night phone calls discussing how the principle of grace applies to mental illness. No more penis jokes. No more shrieks of terror from James' tickling fingers. No more gospel discussions of conference talks in the hot tub. No more of James' beautiful singing voice. No more sleepless nights that he'll drink himself to death or drive drunk. No more smell of James' cologne. As soon as we heard, Andrea and I drove to Oregon to be with Betsy. We got in about 2:00 in the morning and spent Tuesday writing the obituary, going to the funeral home and cemetery and meeting with the attorney. We planned the funeral and stood firmly on each side of Betsy. Never has our friendship felt so divinely orchestrated, like all the time we have spent together in the past was preparation for this moment. Betsy's pain is indescribable and she talks a lot about regret. Death has clarified and illuminated the difference between James' true self and the personality associated with his illness. I think we were veiled when we left the premortal life and came to this world. We see now see people's beautiful, pure souls through the veil of their earthly and flawed body. So people make bad and hurtful choices because of their "broken" minds or bodies and we can't see their divine souls anymore, just their natural bodies. At death, it seems like that veil is lifted and it is easy to see how bad choices were so heavily influenced by imperfect bodies. At death their divine souls are patently clear. After all the hurtful things James has done, all I can seem to remember now is what was so good and Christ-like about him. Yesterday was James funeral. We left the tricities at 5:30 am so we would have plenty of time to be there. At 9:00, near Multnomah Falls, the electric system in our car completely blacked out and the car died. We were frantic, we called cab companies, rental car companies, people we didn't know and roadside emergency. I even called the police. We sat for hours waiting for the tow truck in total despair. We missed the viewing and funeral. The kind tow truck driver loaded our rig, piled us all in and drove us straight to the cemetery where everyone was waiting to dedicate the grave. I don't typically ask why, but I am struggling beyond words why Heavenly Father would not intercede to allow us to be at that funeral. Tony and I wanted so badly to see him and say goodbye and tell him how much we loved him. After the funeral we went back to James and Betsy's house for a condensed version of the funeral including Jackson's talk, and to hear a recording of James singing "How Great Thou Art." Every day of my life I will thank God for the priveledge of a friendship with James and Betsy. Because of them I have learned that an angry hard heart anger is not what to take to the Savior for healing. Hurt, disappointment, and pain yes, but not a hard-heart full of anger. I have learned that I CAN love someone deeply despite the horrible choices they make. I have learned that the Lord sets boundaries and so can I. And I have learned that above all else I should seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost. When I do, I have confidence in my actions and decisions. When I don't, I get to endure life with uncertainty and lack of direction. Brother Hughes (the only nickname I ever came up with), we miss you terribly. We need you here for so many things, not just duct tape, chap stick and chocolate runs. I am greatly relieved that your suffering is over and that you are at peace and your mind is still. I can't wait to see you again and hope you are reserving the hot tub in heaven for the Lughesworths.

BYU Football

In honor of Max's significant 8 year old birthday, we took a family trip this weekend to Provo to see the football game. On Thursday we spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa in Idaho. We had fun playing ping pong, pool and hanging upside down on Grandpa's inversion contraption. After a yummy breakfast we drove to Orem where the Wnwards presented Max with a REAL football jersey and a SIGNED football poster. Max was thrilled. Our next stop was Macy's for Kong Kones and BYU apparel. The #6 rated women's soccer team played right before the football team. It was a tie and really fun to watch. BYU won the game, we got to see Cosmo and we ate all kinds of football food like hot dogs, nachos and giant pretzels. Saturday we watched the first session of General Conference with the Winwards and the second session with the Rippys. Our new cousin Owen is so beautiful and it was great to see Tyler and Chelsea's new house. Evan went to priesthood session and dinner with Tony and Cooper. Evan decided that his dog Reggie needed a new home. He chose us! We are very excited to welcome him to our family. We ended our day by hiking up to the "M" in Missoula. We are very grateful and proud of Max.


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Conference revelation

Casual covenant keeping is not conversion.
Repentance is a panacea.
The temple will answer my questions about "modesty."
Discipleship is a pursuit of holiness and happiness; the more time I spend in this pursuit, the fewer regrets I'll have.
Observe then serve.
It's not that we are surprised that the Lord CAN intervene in our lives, it's that he DOES.
Seminary pattern:
Teach true doctrine
Invite to action
Acknowledge promised blessings
Teaching no greater call very night
Don't just endure the storm. Choose the right during them.

Sacrament FHE:
1. Thoughts of the savior
2. Thoughts of our baptismal covenants
3. Feel the effects of forgiveness
4. Receive inspiration

Testimony is not enough, there must also be a conversion
I need to discard my weapon of rebellion--control and impatience


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