the beach

The overwhelming feeling at the beach was one of realization that 15 years of friendship have been preparation for this sad time. I felt the tremendous strength that comes from the friendship of people with the same focus on Jesus Christ. Everything we did was a reminder that James wasn't there, and that was hard.
There was complaining, but by the end of the trip I think we were all glad to have stayed at Shipwreck. There was no Internet, limited tv access and no phone service. Andrea Betsy and I immediately rearranged the furniture and imagined what we would do if it was ours.

The hungry pilgrim feast was a big success--as always. The ice cream pies and cream pies were the biggest hit. Thursday we ran the turkey trot and played football on the beach while the turkey cooked. Reggie the dog was in heaven playing in the waves and running in the sand. All the kids had fun chasing him. Our feast started with statements of gratitude and more tears. That evening went to the movies and splurged on popcorn. Most of us saw The Life of Pi, which brought lots more tears and was a wonderful movie. That night we worked on puzzles, played games and stayed up way to late discussing gospel principles like what spirit prison really means.

On Friday we slept late, played on the beach and got ready for Tillamook. It was raining cats and dogs which made our trip to the dunes a soggy adventure. We were all soaked through, but we all made it! We took the girls to Goodwill and my good luck at this my favorite thrift store held out: a new pea coat, fleece jacket and shoes for Eliza in 1/2 hour! Tony, Jason and the teenagers played screwy Louie into the wee hours of the morning while Betsy, Andrea and I tried to figure out what Betsy would write on her Christmas card this year.

Saturday was shopping day! Tony was first one to catch the shopping bug and hit the Nike store with a vengeance. He bought Cooper a long board for Christmas and it required all my powers of pursuasion to keep him from buying one for himself. It was nice to get Christmas pajamas taken care of at a great price, and to shop with women of similar taste.

Saturday night we went to dinner as adults. I think James was most missed this night. Betsy talked about how directionless she feels without him. James, his disease, and his addictions really helped define her identity. She and James had a good marriage, but it wasn't easy. I pray every day that if possible, Betsy will have the experience of an easy marriage in this life. We've even joked about it a little, realizing that the pickings are slim.

John broke my heart this night when I found him sobbing. He told his Mom he missed his Dad so much and that the beach was a lot more fun with him. Thank goodness for the consoling influence of Reggie. He snuggled right up to John and knew just what to do.

Sunday we loaded up (through a bedroom window because the front door was broken) and headed to church. We met following sacrament meeting at Betsy's house and had a little testimony meeting. A testimony seems like a good way to remind us that there is a plan to what seems like chaos.

We were home by about 10:00 that night and like every year I went to bed so grateful for the opportunity to be a Lughesworth.


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Location:Thanksgiving at the Beach

Feliz Navidad Marcos

Happy Birthday Mister Marcos! You are 6 years old and here are my 6 favorite things about you: 1. your mischieveous laugh when you are harassing Reggie 2. The way you say "uh huh, uh huh!" like Curious George 3. How you wake up before all the other kids and greet us with a smile. 4. your keen dress-up skills, particularly as a clone 5. The way you tease Wilson--and get away with it 6. Our quiet times together while the other kids are at school. Your birthday party on Friday night was a pizza and pop party with the Larsens. We had popcorn and licorice and watched the movie "Brave." You ordered abelskiviers for breakfast and opened presents because you couldn't wait a single minute more. You spent the day building your new lego set. You were a bit overstimulated and had at least two meltdowns, but otherwise seemed to enjoy your special day. It was winterfest today so we shopped at the craft show, saw Santa and watched the parade. We had an exhibit today at the museum to show off our new drywall and furnace and served hot cider. What a fun project to be involved in Tonight was our ward party, which was not as well attended as last year, but lovely. It is a testament to how well things can go when everyone fulfills their assignment. The food was delicious and plentiful and the program was really fun. My favorites were the teacher's quorum kazoo choir, the 4-7 year old puppet theatre of the creation (including the creation of dinosaurs and unicorns) and the Celtic dance troupe of the YM presidency and Bishobric. Even the cub scout bell choir and activity day Rockettes were adorable. I don't mind being in charge when everyone pitches in so easily and is so grateful and uncomplaining. Our ward feels very cohesive right now.

a lesson in honesty

I got a call last week from Cooper. In a trembling voice he confessed that he had cheated on a test. He had wanted so badly to get straight A's that he looked in the book for answers during a social studies exam. His consequence was lunch detention, but his parents requested that he have lunch detention, after school detention and offer a verbal apology to his teacher and fellow ASB leaders. Cooper's mean parents told the principal that his punishment could not be harsh enough. It was a sad week. Cooper was solemn , repentant and remorseful. In tears he told me that his teacher stopped calling him by his first name and refers to him as "Mr Lundberg", because she has lost respect for him. By Thursday his teacher couldn't take it anymore and asked for his detention to be lifted. Both Cooper's parents and teachers felt sure that he had learned his lesson. Cooper learned a great lesson in both justice and mercy and that it is never to late to make a good choice.

apple time

Apple season is upon us. We narrowed it down to 5 bins this year, or just under 5000lbs. I spent two lovely days with two of my favorite people, Stacey Stone and Betina making apple pie filling. Inevitably the weather turned FREEZING cold so our cider production was down. It doesn't make it any less fun for us and the cider is delicious. Yesterday we had a mock Thanksgiving with all the Rippys--sort of a trial run. It was utter cousin chaos. Maren, Kolby and Evalie disappear to the dress-ups. Eliza and Addy do make-up and hair. Charlie and Millie wrestle like WWF stars. Max, Kimball and Corbin played apple baseball, apple golf and apple hockey with their leader Cooper. Marcos and Lane played cars and all the rest of us sat around being entertained by the Riplets. Wilson escaped to a Stake Dance. I think we might have overwhelmed Mom and Dad a bit, but they were very good sports. Everyone was happy to meet cousin Reggie (except Emelia--she is not a fan of small white dogs.)

halloween

Brother Hughes

Betsy called Monday to tell us that James had killed himself. James is gone. No more family fasts that he would have strength to fight his addictions. No more late night phone calls discussing how the principle of grace applies to mental illness. No more penis jokes. No more shrieks of terror from James' tickling fingers. No more gospel discussions of conference talks in the hot tub. No more of James' beautiful singing voice. No more sleepless nights that he'll drink himself to death or drive drunk. No more smell of James' cologne. As soon as we heard, Andrea and I drove to Oregon to be with Betsy. We got in about 2:00 in the morning and spent Tuesday writing the obituary, going to the funeral home and cemetery and meeting with the attorney. We planned the funeral and stood firmly on each side of Betsy. Never has our friendship felt so divinely orchestrated, like all the time we have spent together in the past was preparation for this moment. Betsy's pain is indescribable and she talks a lot about regret. Death has clarified and illuminated the difference between James' true self and the personality associated with his illness. I think we were veiled when we left the premortal life and came to this world. We see now see people's beautiful, pure souls through the veil of their earthly and flawed body. So people make bad and hurtful choices because of their "broken" minds or bodies and we can't see their divine souls anymore, just their natural bodies. At death, it seems like that veil is lifted and it is easy to see how bad choices were so heavily influenced by imperfect bodies. At death their divine souls are patently clear. After all the hurtful things James has done, all I can seem to remember now is what was so good and Christ-like about him. Yesterday was James funeral. We left the tricities at 5:30 am so we would have plenty of time to be there. At 9:00, near Multnomah Falls, the electric system in our car completely blacked out and the car died. We were frantic, we called cab companies, rental car companies, people we didn't know and roadside emergency. I even called the police. We sat for hours waiting for the tow truck in total despair. We missed the viewing and funeral. The kind tow truck driver loaded our rig, piled us all in and drove us straight to the cemetery where everyone was waiting to dedicate the grave. I don't typically ask why, but I am struggling beyond words why Heavenly Father would not intercede to allow us to be at that funeral. Tony and I wanted so badly to see him and say goodbye and tell him how much we loved him. After the funeral we went back to James and Betsy's house for a condensed version of the funeral including Jackson's talk, and to hear a recording of James singing "How Great Thou Art." Every day of my life I will thank God for the priveledge of a friendship with James and Betsy. Because of them I have learned that an angry hard heart anger is not what to take to the Savior for healing. Hurt, disappointment, and pain yes, but not a hard-heart full of anger. I have learned that I CAN love someone deeply despite the horrible choices they make. I have learned that the Lord sets boundaries and so can I. And I have learned that above all else I should seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost. When I do, I have confidence in my actions and decisions. When I don't, I get to endure life with uncertainty and lack of direction. Brother Hughes (the only nickname I ever came up with), we miss you terribly. We need you here for so many things, not just duct tape, chap stick and chocolate runs. I am greatly relieved that your suffering is over and that you are at peace and your mind is still. I can't wait to see you again and hope you are reserving the hot tub in heaven for the Lughesworths.

BYU Football

In honor of Max's significant 8 year old birthday, we took a family trip this weekend to Provo to see the football game. On Thursday we spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa in Idaho. We had fun playing ping pong, pool and hanging upside down on Grandpa's inversion contraption. After a yummy breakfast we drove to Orem where the Wnwards presented Max with a REAL football jersey and a SIGNED football poster. Max was thrilled. Our next stop was Macy's for Kong Kones and BYU apparel. The #6 rated women's soccer team played right before the football team. It was a tie and really fun to watch. BYU won the game, we got to see Cosmo and we ate all kinds of football food like hot dogs, nachos and giant pretzels. Saturday we watched the first session of General Conference with the Winwards and the second session with the Rippys. Our new cousin Owen is so beautiful and it was great to see Tyler and Chelsea's new house. Evan went to priesthood session and dinner with Tony and Cooper. Evan decided that his dog Reggie needed a new home. He chose us! We are very excited to welcome him to our family. We ended our day by hiking up to the "M" in Missoula. We are very grateful and proud of Max.


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Conference revelation

Casual covenant keeping is not conversion.
Repentance is a panacea.
The temple will answer my questions about "modesty."
Discipleship is a pursuit of holiness and happiness; the more time I spend in this pursuit, the fewer regrets I'll have.
Observe then serve.
It's not that we are surprised that the Lord CAN intervene in our lives, it's that he DOES.
Seminary pattern:
Teach true doctrine
Invite to action
Acknowledge promised blessings
Teaching no greater call very night
Don't just endure the storm. Choose the right during them.

Sacrament FHE:
1. Thoughts of the savior
2. Thoughts of our baptismal covenants
3. Feel the effects of forgiveness
4. Receive inspiration

Testimony is not enough, there must also be a conversion
I need to discard my weapon of rebellion--control and impatience


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max gets baptized

Maxwell was baptized today by his big brother Wilson. Max said he felt warm and happy. His Mom and brother Cooper spoke, his brother Marcos said the opening prayer and his sister Eliza played a special musical number. Max had so many people come to his baptism to show him how much they love him: The Shepherds, The Stones, The Hainsworths and all his cousins and aunts and uncles. It was especially nice to have Grandma and Grandpa there. Max described his baptism this way: When I was baptized I felt like I was a new person. I felt spiritual and like I could help a lot of people." One memorable thing about Max's baptism was that his Uncle Cameron forgot the baptism suit so he had to wear an adult white jumpsuit. Luckily, all the extra fabric went under the first time. We are very proud of Max and his choice to be baptized. Max is a very careful and aware boy and will be able to learn to follow the Holy Ghost because of this special gift.

Grandma and Grandpa come home

first day of school!

Squeezing summer

If summer is a lemon, we have squeezed out the last drops this week and enjoyed perfect lemonade. On Tuesday we loaded up bikes and went to ride on the Hiawatha trail. It is such a fantastic trail thought the tunnels and over the trestles. Cooper and Max rode the tandem bike and Tony pulled Marcos on the tag a long. It was fun to ride through the mud and the dark. After the ride we paid homage to Tony's adolescence and had buffet at the casino. I thought it was disgusting, but the teenage boys were in heaven.

Friday my friend Valerie weasled me into taking her kids and my kids to Silverwood. I was dreading it, but it turned out to be a fairly relaxing visit, considering I was in a theme park with millions of people. Eliza was super brave and went on several roller coasters. Maxwell, Capt Caution, decided he was going to ride the Panic Plunge and loved it. Marcos most enjoyed his first taste of cotton candy. I tried hard to be like my Mom--she was a lot of fun at Silverwood and never complained.

Saturday we all met at Cam and Jill's for our annual rib fest. I can't believe this is the first time Tony has ever met the babies. They are adorable, rolling over, smiling, gurgling. I made Eliza and Max ski and their screams and wailing will probably get me turned into CPS. My parenting even horrified Cameron, which is hard to do. We had delicious pound cake and peaches for dessert and just sat around the table discussing boob jobs, homosexuality and the gospel. At risk of gushing, I must say I love being with my family. Dustin told me the funniest story



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