painful plan of salvation

Last Friday Tyler and Chelsea's baby Beck died from complications of pneumonia. Despite my testimony of a living God, his son Jesus Christ and a sure knowledge that we will see Beck again, his passing hurts like hell. When pain comes from sin, there is something to do to make the pain go away; go see your Bishop, repent, apologize. When pain comes from death, what is the course of action to make the pain decrease?

Cameron, Jeffery, Dustin and I left Sunday after church and drove to Utah to be at the funeral on Tuesday. I've always thought a road trip with my brothers would be fun, but the circumstances were too sad. Monday night was a viewing. Tyler and Chelsea bravely endured a stream of mourners that lasted literally hours. Every half hour or so big brother Evan would go give Beck a kiss or touch his hand. Evan was uniquely connected to Beck and this will be very hard on him. Kate is a little less aware, thankfully, but in her prayers one night she blessed Beck to be a good boy in Heaven. Tyler lined us all up and reminded us to savor every minute. Through heavy tears he told us he would give anything for one more smile or kiss from his son. I'm trying hard to remember.


It seems like life should stop to acknowledge death. It doesn't. We still had St John stock show this weekend and ate cookshack burgers, fries, snowcones and lots of pie. We ran the hog jog and Eliza won the grand champion ribbon for her science fair yeast project. Wilson spent the day working with and riding Arabian horses with the Blasers and I hope and pray this new hobby keeps him out of jail.

Saturday was Eliza's baptism. Eliza's sunshiny happiness positively glowed. After her baptism, she threw her arms around Tony in the font. After her confirmation, instead of the standard handshakes, she threw her arms around everyone in the circle. My friend Becky came as well as our friends Keith and Sally Blaser. Their non-member comment was that Mormon music is really boring, but everything else was quite nice.

A couple of weeks ago Andrea, Betsy and I went to Pocatello to find a house for the Hughes in preparation for their move. It may not be everyone's idea of a perfect retreat, but I can think of nothing I like more than 16 uninterrupted hours in a car listening to conference talks and discussing ways to be better wives and mothers. We did find a perfect house causing Andrea and I to run around shrieking with joy at each room, but reason prevailed and no offers were made until the house in Oregon sells. I also had a horrible experience wherein no bathroom was available so I thought I would covertly pee behind the car. I was fine until a man staring at my bare bum started yelling "Hey, Hey!" I dove into the car and kept my head down yelling "go, go, go" as he waved to Andrea and Betsy in the front seats. And I lost my phone in a rainy parking lot in Missoula. And still I came home refreshed and rejuvenated.

I can't seem to get my momentum back this week. Things seems dimmer and a little more overwhelming. I can't imagine how Tyler and Chelsea feel.