While Tony and Sam went to Eugene OR for the BYU football game, I went on a joy journey. It was the ultimate indulgence and self care and a beautiful weekend. It was disappointing to get a rotten cold right before I left, but I was determined not to let it ruin the fun. My flights were also delayed-again, not going to ruin my fun. Thursdays highlights were spending time with Becky at her farm, seeing Coop and Max at their respective work places. a walk through the wheat fields and tea with Corrie, standing in my old kitchen watching the kids play with sweet Melissa and hearing all about the Norway trip from Audrey and Amy. Amy was so generous to let me use her car and drive me around. On Friday morning Amy joined me at the river with Jill and Kimberly and we kayaked my favorite spot in the whole world. So many happy memories there. After the trip Amy and i went to visit the Schills and see the new house they are building. I loved sharing in the excitement of their dream home and giving all the kids a hug. And hearing Otto's adventures in the VA system. That night Amy joined me for dinner with Cam and Jill and Dustin and Kimberly. Cam and Jill are hurting as they watch Kimball struggle with his decision to serve a mission. I can watch Cameron in particular reacting the same way I did when I was so disappointed. I used shame, made it about me and weaponized the gospel. I retreated into rigidity. I felt so justified in doing all of this, and maybe was, but the reality is these things dont work. I encouraged Cam to take all the "connecting actitivities", including the mission, off the table. Kimball needs to know he is loved independent of anything he does or does not do. And for the love, don't tell him how much he is disappointing everyone. And don't tell him how embarrassing he's being. And above all else, don't decide that going on a mission is the defining moment of his life, or even his conversion. I wish I could parent again and do these things right. Instead, I just lecture my brothers.
While we are at Dustin's house after dinner, Corbin called his parents. His roommates were partying and he didn't want to be apart. I was so proud of him for reaching out to his parents. I texted Eliza and she ran over to the rescue.
Andrea came to get me on Sat morning and we spent the day at the lake cleaning and talking. I just soaked up all the wonderful fall at the lake weather. That night we headed back to town, grabbed dinner and went to bed early. Andrea spoke in two wards on Sunday, one of which was the Swahili branch. I loved being people who have a more intense faith than I do. They rely on revelation and an assurance of the resurrection without sweating the things I do.
Cooper and Max were going to join us for lunch, but they never. It was a predictable pattern, but still hurt. Cooper is struggling still with his break up from Jes and I am so hoepful he gets the help he needs instead of just avoiding his feeling by working. Max spent his first paycheck on a flight to see his new girlfriend Ava. We will look forward to meeting her someday, and in the meantime, hope she motivates him to a better place. I caught my flight home and was in bed
This weekend Tony and I ran to Salt Lake to see "Lucky Stiff" at the Hale theatre. We stayed the night with Brad and Kim and had such a perfect evening and morning with them. We drove the Alpine loop and I got a tree bath in the gorgeous fall foliage. We ran to see Eliza's apartment and got her some groceries. It was rushed, but hopefully she felt loved. We met Tyler and Chelsea for pickleball at Jeff and Betsys and had a whirlwind visit. We got to say goodbye to John before he leaves on his mission and Jeff made us amazing tacos. We ended our visit with a quick stop to see Jake and Callie and the boys at Jake's sisters wedding. I drove home so Tony could watch the BYU game and we fell into bed exhausted and happy.
Being with friends fills my cup. I came home determined to see what i could be if I stopped living in fear. I was inspired by Betsy's dedication to alone time and Brad and Kim's new appreciation for the temple. I loved watching Chelsea hold her own in pickleball and being inspired by her light.
