Phoenix trip

 I had a wonderful opportunity to drive with my dear friend Val Larsen to pick up Eliza from school.  I picked Val up on Thursday at the airport and we spent the night with Lori and Blake.  I even had the added treat of seeing Melanie and her sweet kids while we were there.  On Friday we had 5 glorious hours driving together from Vegas to Phoenix and caught up on St John, our kids and our husbands.  I love and admire Val so much.  She is a tremendous example of staying positive in Christ, staying boundaried and not taking responsibility for other's choices.  When we got to Phoenix, Eliza and I packed up the car and carefully avoided her roommates.  Sadly, she had a falling out with them and things have been tense for a month.  She also ran out of money and has been eating potatoes for a few weeks.  If we include her trip home to California with her friend Claudia for her birthday, she had a true freshman experience.  

We enjoyed a delicious dinner together and stayed the night in Phoenix.  On Saturday we headed for St George just as conference was starting.  I was so excited to hear the talks I cried.  We stopped for dinner in Boulder City (more pie) and made it to St George around 7:00.  Amy had arrived and after getting settled the 3 of us went to get Viva Chicken, take a tour of St George and sit on Dixie Rock for the sunset.  I loved being with two of my favorite people.

On Sunday we said goodbye to Val and Liv and watched conference.  We were a little surprised when Wilson and Wendy asked to come join us, and only slightly more surprised when they announced that Wendy was pregnant.  All babies are miracles, but Tony and I are heartbroken that a baby has to come to all the hard on this earth without the headstart of covenants, emotional stability and resources.  We are also totally aware that God is in charge and has a plan.  Good can come from this, but it will come with a lot of hard.  What we can give them right now is our standing counseling appointment with Tiffany and hope that she can help them navigate the upcoming hard decisions.  

After that Easter bomb, Tony and I put on our happy faces and made Easter dinner for everyone.  Tony nailed the lamb and everything was delicious.  It was so happy to have Dustin and Kimberly here. Max also invited two new friends, football players from Dixie State.  Tyler and Chelsea joined us later in the evening.  Just being together  with our supportive family was a tremendous gift and helped prepare us for more upcoming hard.

On Tuesday I tried to let Max know that I want him to live with us, but that our bottom line is doing illegal things.  His response was terrifying.  He started driving 50  miles an hour, swearing and threatening to kill people if they tried to take him away.  It was sheer panic, and spoke to his guilt.   On Wednesday we discovered evidence (finally) about Max's addictions.  While we are sure we only have a glimpse of what is going on, it explains an awful lot:  the multiple long showers and greasy film on the tile, the ruined Florida vacation and utter isolation.  It explains why he is flunking out of school and why he quit/got fired from his job (I'm sure because he thought he had another source of income).  That gave Tony and I the opportunity to take away the car, which Eliza needed for work anyway.  We are fasting today to know what to do.  We love Max, but illegal is our bottom line.  We have to protect the people in our family.  

On Thursday Tony called me at work to say that he had taken "family time" of of work for the rest of the afternoon and Friday.  I have had to really analyze my reaction.  Instead of feeling soothed and assured that Tony would be there to work with me, I was terrified because he was disrupting our pattern.  In the past we have always had the pattern of Tony going to work and me managing things independently.  I couldn't "lean in." I think it was a loss of control.  I've been very focused this week on redirecting my mental energy from problem-solving, role playing conversations, or finding resources to help Max to staying as present as I can with Eliza, Sam and Tony.  I'm not good at it. 

To add an extra measure of stress, Amy was COVID positive and we had to tell all our Easter and weekend guests.  I was worried about my parents, and Val.  Sadly, Monty also got COVID and got really sick.  

We need to be seen and heard

 Last week was our ward conference.  Tony was assigned to go on a ministering visit with the Stake Sunday School President.  He hasn't had very positive experiences in the past and was really frustrated and negative.  I suggested that we pray and find out who God wanted him to visit.  After our prayer, the idea came to me to ask my new Spanish teacher Gladys Rivas.  Gladys is an Argentinian, single, pioneer in the gospel.  Her experience here in this ward has been painful and she no longer attends.  She probably has a lot to teach us about being more inclusive like Jesus.  Tony and the Stake Sunday School president met at the church so Tony could prep him on the visit purpose, and Gladys and I started our Spanish lesson in the kitchen.  When they arrived, Tony started our meeting with prayer and then immediately asked Gladys to share her story.  She was honest and raw and vulnerable.  She has been mistreated, minimized and dismissed as an equal disciple in this church.  After her honesty, imagine the horror Tony and I felt when the Stake Sunday school president launched into a call to repentance.  Without hearing her, he expressed a weird "I love you, sister" message and then tried to related to her experience with one of his own.  It fell like a lead balloon and sucked the spirit out of the room,  Both Tony and my attempts to turn the attention back to learning from Gladys were ineffective.  The  SS Pres just kept inviting repentance and asserting his agenda.  

After they left, I was shaking with rage.  I felt confusion and betrayal.  I wrestled with it all night and processed the experience with Tony, my parents and friends.  Finally I woke up one morning with clarity about what had felt so terrible.  The SS Pres had simply misused priesthood authority.  As SS Pres he had no authorized keys to call Gladys to repentance.  He was neither her Stake President, Bishop or minister.  Those three people alone hold priesthood authority given by Jesus Christ over Gladys'.  As a guest in our home, Tony and I held the united authority over  the SS President and probably should have been more forthright in asking him to cease and desist.  

I'm grateful for the lesson I learned from this experience and hope I do a better job of acknowledging correct lines of authority.  I have been the SS President before and have been out of line.  I also need to stand up against misuses and abuses of authority.  Mostly I need to study the Saviors priesthoods, hierarchal