Dear Samuel,
You have officially ended childhood for our family as you turn thirteen today. You have been a wonderful way to end. Of all the kids, you have faced this move with amazing alacrity and strength. You have made good friends, reached out to others, and remained strong in your sense of self. You are confident in your basketball skills although they may be tested and tried in the upcoming years. You seem to have figured out how too do well in school and are enjoying freedom from a nagging mom. You are increasingly handsome even with your teenager braces on. Dad and I love to watch you take your priesthood responsibilities seriously as you pass the sacrament. You have a good sense of style and like affirmation from Eliza or Mom on your "outfit." We are all very sad not to have Max here on your birthday. You exspecially miss your big brother. I'm so grateful to be raising an independent, confident boy. You came to me the other day and asked what percent chance that you were actually related to Samuel the Lamanite. I think it is a high percentage based on your courage. I think you have Samuel's courageous genes. I love you so much.
Sunday, December 1, 2019
Thanksgiving
This was thanksgiving week, quite possibly my favorite week of the year. This week evokes so many mixed emotions of joy and sadness, hurt and healing. It's been this way for the last 20 years that we have had Thanksgiving with the Blughesworths. Of all the gifts God has given me, I have probably thanked him the most for the friends that have joined us on our wild ride.
It was very, very sad for all of us not to have Max this year. It was especially heartbreaking because we had rain, snow and very cold temperatures. Max has hopefully hit rock bottom. He has stopped being compliant, is angry and won't participate. The counselor has suggested we not get discouraged and that this may be the beginning of a turn around. We are becoming more aware of how manipulated and controlled we have been by Max (and our other kids) and are determined to work hard while he is gone to reestablish ourselves as safe, reliable parents. We want him home, but we mostly want him to be well.
Cooper spent Thanksgiving with Jess and his birth family in San Diego. He was missed, but it was a wonderful opportunity for him to make connections with Jackie and Fahd.
Everyone arrived late on Tuesday night so we gave them the house tour (3 minutes including the central vacuum show). The kids all went to the rental and adults slept at our house. So fun!
Wednesday we went to the gym to exercise then Betsy and I braved Costco, grocery store and Kneaders pies. Andrea showed extreme self-control and worked on her 44 page paper. She is almost done and we are all so proud of her. The kids played pickle ball, video games and watched Star Wars shows, just like old times. We were surprised and pleased that Wilson joined us for all the festivities. He was at his best, wrestling with Jack, laughing with the college kids and teasing the adults. It is sometimes easy in those moments to get lulled into a tremendous sense of hope. That night we had the hungry pilgrim feast then went to the rental house to watch Oh Brother Where Are't Thou. As soon as we got home Tony put the turkey in the smoker and then got up several times during the night to check it. He was really stressed about making the perfect turkey and all his attention to detail paid off. Eli was able to join us after work on Wednesday and gave us the good news about his new job in Hartford, CT
Thursday morning the kids were at the rental playing games and Savannah, Brooklyn and the Lemon Sisters puttered around getting the dinner ready and arranging the shelves. Savannah has a good eye:). I loved being able to host the dinner at my house and the chance too pull out my beloved china. Everything this year was perfect, from the turkey to the rolls to the cranberry sauce. I give most of the credit to Brooklyn, because she is a bona fide chef. That night we went to see a movie, Ford vs Ferrari which wasn't that great, but the popcorn is always good. We forgot Samuel asleep in his bed, and the traffic was terrible, so this stressed me out. It was much more fun to go home and play games.
On Friday Tony had to go to work :(. It was pouring rain so we postponed our hike and spent the day going to the gym, playing pickle ball and tons of video games! That afternoon most of us went to a pottery studio and painted pottery. It was fun to create together and we had lots of good talking and laughing time. Friday we went back to the rental and played Jackbox (hilarious) and Screwy Louis until the wee hours.
Saturday the sun came out. We had a pickle ball tournament at the park, grabbed lunch and then went to Red Canyon for a hike. It was the same hike we had done two weeks earlier with the Rippys but this time there was water! Tony fell trying to cross the rock, got a black eye and lost his glasses.
Jonah even went on a retrieval drive in the freezing cold water.
Sadly, Wilson was unable to join us because he got triggered by Eliza eating potato chip and slapped her across the face. He held it together a long time, but now he can't come into the house if Eliza is home. Later that night he called to join us and Tony had to tell him he couldn't come. It was a horrible phone call for Tony with Wilson saying he didn't want Tony for a Dad. Just 10 minutes later, Cooper called. It started as a good report on his trip but suddenly turned into a terrible personal attack on us as parents for putting Max in the wilderness for "looking at a little porn." It was so painful for Tony and a disappointing ending to a great weekend. We know the boys are speaking from pain and in an effort to be reassured, but it sure requires every ounce of faith and control to continue to go back for more emotional beatings
Everyone left early this morning and the post Blughesworth depression set in. So grateful for this time to connect and prepare to do more hard things.
It was very, very sad for all of us not to have Max this year. It was especially heartbreaking because we had rain, snow and very cold temperatures. Max has hopefully hit rock bottom. He has stopped being compliant, is angry and won't participate. The counselor has suggested we not get discouraged and that this may be the beginning of a turn around. We are becoming more aware of how manipulated and controlled we have been by Max (and our other kids) and are determined to work hard while he is gone to reestablish ourselves as safe, reliable parents. We want him home, but we mostly want him to be well.
Cooper spent Thanksgiving with Jess and his birth family in San Diego. He was missed, but it was a wonderful opportunity for him to make connections with Jackie and Fahd.
Everyone arrived late on Tuesday night so we gave them the house tour (3 minutes including the central vacuum show). The kids all went to the rental and adults slept at our house. So fun!
Wednesday we went to the gym to exercise then Betsy and I braved Costco, grocery store and Kneaders pies. Andrea showed extreme self-control and worked on her 44 page paper. She is almost done and we are all so proud of her. The kids played pickle ball, video games and watched Star Wars shows, just like old times. We were surprised and pleased that Wilson joined us for all the festivities. He was at his best, wrestling with Jack, laughing with the college kids and teasing the adults. It is sometimes easy in those moments to get lulled into a tremendous sense of hope. That night we had the hungry pilgrim feast then went to the rental house to watch Oh Brother Where Are't Thou. As soon as we got home Tony put the turkey in the smoker and then got up several times during the night to check it. He was really stressed about making the perfect turkey and all his attention to detail paid off. Eli was able to join us after work on Wednesday and gave us the good news about his new job in Hartford, CT
Thursday morning the kids were at the rental playing games and Savannah, Brooklyn and the Lemon Sisters puttered around getting the dinner ready and arranging the shelves. Savannah has a good eye:). I loved being able to host the dinner at my house and the chance too pull out my beloved china. Everything this year was perfect, from the turkey to the rolls to the cranberry sauce. I give most of the credit to Brooklyn, because she is a bona fide chef. That night we went to see a movie, Ford vs Ferrari which wasn't that great, but the popcorn is always good. We forgot Samuel asleep in his bed, and the traffic was terrible, so this stressed me out. It was much more fun to go home and play games.
On Friday Tony had to go to work :(. It was pouring rain so we postponed our hike and spent the day going to the gym, playing pickle ball and tons of video games! That afternoon most of us went to a pottery studio and painted pottery. It was fun to create together and we had lots of good talking and laughing time. Friday we went back to the rental and played Jackbox (hilarious) and Screwy Louis until the wee hours.
Saturday the sun came out. We had a pickle ball tournament at the park, grabbed lunch and then went to Red Canyon for a hike. It was the same hike we had done two weeks earlier with the Rippys but this time there was water! Tony fell trying to cross the rock, got a black eye and lost his glasses.
Jonah even went on a retrieval drive in the freezing cold water.
Sadly, Wilson was unable to join us because he got triggered by Eliza eating potato chip and slapped her across the face. He held it together a long time, but now he can't come into the house if Eliza is home. Later that night he called to join us and Tony had to tell him he couldn't come. It was a horrible phone call for Tony with Wilson saying he didn't want Tony for a Dad. Just 10 minutes later, Cooper called. It started as a good report on his trip but suddenly turned into a terrible personal attack on us as parents for putting Max in the wilderness for "looking at a little porn." It was so painful for Tony and a disappointing ending to a great weekend. We know the boys are speaking from pain and in an effort to be reassured, but it sure requires every ounce of faith and control to continue to go back for more emotional beatings
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