It’s been a hard week. Last weekend while I was babysitting Jeff and Stacey’s kids in Moses Lake, I got the dreaded phone call that Wilson quit Job Corp. He had his suitcase and was walking to the house. He was agitated, scared and irrational. With no other choice I picked him up and was resigned to starting back at square one. I felt overwhelmed and defeated as I imagined spending the next month mentoring Wilson. When we got home Saturday night, Tony greeted me with sad news. He’d received a phone call from parents in town reporting that their son had been caught smoking pot. He got the pot from Max. As sad as this was, the more painful part came when Max reported that he got it from Cooper. I started shaking so badly I had to put my phone down, soak in a hot tub and then bury myself under piles of blankets. Tony had to reach out to Andrea and Betsy on my behalf!
We immediately talked to Cooper who vehemently denied it. Now we were caught between our distrust of both of our sons. The next morning Max and I went to see the principal. Max owned it, but held to his story that he got the pot and vaping from Coop. Maxs consequences were primarily external. He had to have his locker searched publicly, he was expelled from the basketball team. He had to confess to the coach and the team. He lost his phone for 30 days.
He also has to take a drug and alcohol class. Of course we were disappointed, but our gratitude that he was caught was even greater. It was almost immediate that his anger seemed out. All the “angry black boy” energy was gone. Max has been a joy to have around the last two weeks. He comes home and exercises, then asks for jobs to earn money. He participates in seminary and family prayer without defiance. He’s rotten, but normal rotten.
While in the midst of the pot crisis, Dad called. He said he felt that we needed to send Wilson to St George. Had everything at home not been falling apart, I don’t think I could have done it. So humbling. Dad is willing to give up being a grandfather to be a case worker. That’s a hard sacrifice. Wilson starts work tomorrow at the car dealership. I’m trying not to be too doubtful, just trusting.
While Wilson was home he went with me to counseling one night. It was emotionally excruciating. He wasn’t trying to hurt me like he has in the past, but he was really honest about what it was like for me to be his mom. The most painful part was the acutely realization that Wilson spent/spends most of his time confused. He did and does not understand. He’s scared all the time because he can’t predict or comprehend. He didn’t understand consequences or responses from his overtures. He hates to be physically confined, so hugging and holding were his worst nightmare. He was most hurt when we said he couldn’t live at home. He’s terrified of being hungry. We set him up to fail when we took him to school. I was interested that Wilson cried during the session but I did not. I remember being conditioned Wilson’s whole life not to cry when he would either hit me or get livid. I guess I’m still conditioned not to cry, it man did I feel the pain. It also had a glimmer of hope for healing. Wilson has short periods of lucidity and reality. He needs healing through connection, and that needs to be my focus.
Eliza finishes her basketball season. She’s played no more than one minute a game. She has mostly warmed the bench and been the scapegoat for members of her team. But she has finished her committments and been a good friend to the other girls and we are really proud of her. Yesterday she and I braved horrible weather conditions to get to Spokane so she could take the ACT test. In only one week, we are going to London. I hope Eliza can embrace life and dream big.
Marcos went out on top on basketball. He is so driven, in sports. Not so much in school and piano, but he’s trying.
