On Friday I went to work to clean out the kitchen at the school where my student Kaleb and I work. I invited Kaleb to come with me. After a few minutes I heard Kaleb hitting his head on the window--not a good sign. Something was really wrong, but I didn't know what. Kaleb was really upset and In frustration Kaleb head butted me in the nose. I heard a crunch and blood started pouring everywhere. This further upset Kaleb and he began biting and hitting himself terribly. I called for back-up and we eventually got him back to the classroom, where his Dad came to get him. My nose really hurt, but my heart hurt more. I did not feel one bit of anger toward Kaleb, no blame and no fear. This experience did not affect my desire to see Kaleb for therapy on Tuesday, or at church on Sunday. I felt so much love for him and such compassion for his broken brain.
Wilson has also hurt me. Sadly, I continue to hold resentment and anger tightly. I struggle to feel love. Sometimes, I don't want to see him. I have a ton of guilt about these feelings, but they are nevertheless there.
I'm grateful for my broken nose this weekend because it showed me that I have the capacity. If I can have the ability to not take Kaleb's actions personally, I have the capacity to do the same with Wilson. I know I will need the Savior's help and the enabling power of the atonement, but I have increased hope.
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