hole in the boat

bittersweet

Last weekend Tony took Max and Marcos to the BYU game in Provo.  The boys got out of school early, stocked up on DingDongs and other forbidden food and headed south.  They stopped in Pocatello on their way hoping that Wilson would join them.  Tony texted, called, knocked on his apartment door and went to his work but Wilson refused to see him.  They went to Provo and had a wonderful time at the pregame party and enjoyed every minute of the spectacular win.  Sunday they tried again to visit Wilson.  Tony just wanted to see him, take him grocery shopping, give him a hug. Wilson wouldn't open the door.  It broke my heart when Tony told me.  The scripture echoed in my head, "I stand at the door and knock."  I can easily envision Tony brokenhearted and wanting to help Wilson any way he can, but Wilson just won't let him in.  I can see the Savior standing near us the same way,  anxious to succor our needs, but we won't let him in.  The night Tony got home Wilson called and was so discouraged and overwhelmed.  All I could think of was how sad it was that he didn't take the help his Dad offered him.  I thought about this all week and hope I don't reject the gifts the Savior offers me.  I hope I open the door.

Cooper is having a good year.  He feels liberated not having Wilson around to terrorize him. He is exploring his identity and some of the anger he has been holding in is starting to bubble out.   These are good things, but they are also painful.  He still insists that he hates the church  We woke up one Sunday morning after a particularly angry outburst to a traced picture of Cooper's middle finger slid under our door. The message was clear.

On the other hand, Cooper has had a couple of powerful experiences following the spirit.  The first time he was with his friend Abby at a frozen yogurt store.  The elderly lady in line in front of him didn't have cash to pay.  Cooper said he felt prompted to pay for her yogurt, which he did.  The yogurt store then gave him 20% off the total purchase!   The second time he was head out of town to a fireside and felt prompted to come home and check the oil in the car.  He did so and the oil looked fine.  However, when he tried to start the car again-it wouldn't budge.  He was grateful he followed a prompting so he wasn't stranded in Moscow.  Cooper has been very consistent about seminary and church attendance. I am grateful every not to have that battle right now.

Max has really surprised me so far.  He has handled the junior high transition way better than I expected.  I have tried so hard to not fight the clothes battle with him and just let him wear his old ratty worn out COMFORTABLE clothes.  He wears  his new clothes on weekends and when they are worn in enough, he will wear them to school.  Every night he follows a rigid preparation routine for the next day.  I thought I would love having a prepared kid after the chaos of raising Wilson, but it is driving me crazy!  Max ran (unopposed) as the 6th grade ASB rep and had to give a speech and campaign.  He is also the Endicott football team manager, a job that he takes very seriously.

Eliza is stellar.  She is managing sports, school and teenagerness well.  Today right before the sacrament she realized that she had forgotten to prepare a talk.  She and I slipped out, put some thoughts down and she pulled it together.  She is a very fast talker when she gets nervous and eye contact leaves something to be desired, but she pulled it off!  Eliza is asserting her identity by painting her room and decorating it in deliberate opposition to her Mom's style.

Marcos has a brand new teacher this year and she is struggling to figure out what 3rd graders know and don't know.  He is kind of getting his butt kicked.  The good news is that it doesn't seem to affect his confidence or self-worth.  The bad news is that it doesn't motivate him to do better.  Marcos and I have had a good time in the mornings working on OT activities to strengthen his fine motor.  I see small improvements.

first day

First day of school!  I have one high schooler, 2 junior higher and only one kid in elementary school.  I spent the whole day scrubbing layers of popsicle, watermelon and marshmallow off of the floors.  This year feels so much easier.  I know that is in part to our familiar routine, but even more significantly to not having Wilson here.  It is a tremendous relief to have him at school, even with all the worrying about his poor choices.  I loved my first day back at work.  I am going to teach 5 home study seminary students, help with cub scouts, and teach the 7 year olds in primary.  Fall is my favorite time of the year hands down.